(34) 'The Non Swearer'

[Ken]

It is always somewhat shocking to hear a non swearer swear, it can also, for some weird reason, be funny. Such an event took place in a pub called, 'The Lock and Key', where the landlord was one 'Gwynn Richards', sadly both the pub and the landlord are no more.  Gwynn was a Welshman from the Llanelli region of Wales and he had the attractive south Wales accent, which differs from that in the area in which I live.  It's an accent that is, in my opinion, much friendlier than the one spoken from mid and north Wales. The pub he owned was a mainly Welsh speaking pub but, in fairness to Gwynn, he always ensured that when I was there I would be included in the conversation.  He achieved this by either translating for me as the conversation flowed or, whenever possible, by encouraging the locals to speak English.  I was grateful for this kindness and the result was when my family and friends came to visit, we could often be found in his pub, enjoying his beer and the stories he and his customers had to tell.  My brother Len once described him to Jenny as a smashing bloke and the best Landlord he'd ever known, praise indeed.  

Gwynn was  a quirky sort of chap, I recall seeing a hand written sign on the pub wall on my first ever visit that said, 'NO CHILDREN ARE ALLOWED IN THIS PUB', it was written in large capital letters, and then under it he had added, (nor are they allowed to play pool).  He once said to me in his warm friendly voice, "Good evening Ken, It's been a lovely day, only rained five times!"  As I said, he was quirky and immensely popular, and yes, he did, in the early evening, allow well behaved children to play pool.  
Gwynn was sports mad and his favourite two sports were Rugby and Boxing, which he loved to talk about. When I informed him in an unguarded moment that I had met several famous boxers, including Henry Cooper, he could not stop asking me questions.  That was what made him a great landlord, he enthused about small things and he liked to talk but could also listen.  It was easy to like Gwynn Richards

It was noticeable to me that Gwynn, unlike the majority of the Welshman of his pub, didn't swear.  My dear friend, Chris Bushell, a frequent visitor to our home, also observed this and once even commented on it.  It was natural, therefore, for me to tell him during one of our phone conversations the following anecdote.  It was a quiet night in the pub and I was listening to Gwynn, and two locals chaps called Danny Pugh and Irfon Davies, they were discussing politics and the forthcoming General Election.  I had discovered that all three were die hard Labour voters but Irfon, because of his council house bargain, would this time be voting Tory.  It was at this point that I told them that I believed the most able and talented politician in Britain was the SDP's, David Owen.  You could have heard a pin drop and the stony silence that ensued was followed by Gwynn's heartfelt words, "I'm sorry Ken, but David Owen's nothing but a traitor and a c*nt!"   From out of nowhere the man who never swore was so incensed by the very sound of the name of, 'David Owen', that he felt the need to utter the C word.  I suppose every one has a line that must not be crossed and when what became known as 'The Gang of Four,' left labour to form the 'SDP' party, that line was crossed.  They became what Gwynn liked to call, 'The Gang of C*nts!'

I said at the start of this memory that when you hear a non swearer swear it can be funny, well it was certainly true with me in this case.  I found it amusing to hear this decent man get so cross and so did my friend Chris Bushell.  So much so that on his next visit I heard him say to Gwynn during a night in his pub, "What are your thoughts on the SDP?  Back came the hoped for reply, "I think David Owen's a traitor and a c*nt"!  Chris thought it was hilarious and would egg me on to try to make him say it again, but I often refrained, for I could easily have offended a truly nice man.  Despite that good intention, when my other old friend, Colin Bowbrick, joined Chris for a visit not long after, I was persuaded to once again speak to Gwynn on the subject of politics.  I tried not to make it obvious, so I said I quite liked David Steele, the joint leader of the then 'SDP/Liberal Alliance Party'.  When Gwynn commented, "I've no bone to pick with David Steele", I found Chris, Colin and I were able to suppress a smile.  However, when he added, "it's that other David I can't stand, he's nothing but a traitor and a c*nt"!  I was done for.  I had to beat a speedy retreat to the outdoor gents toilet where my laughter could be heard in the next village.  I was soon joined by Chris and Colin and that is where we stayed until we could once again control ourselves.  Thankfully Gwynn never twigged why we were laughing and I vowed I would never raise that subject with him again, and I didn't!

To behave like we did could be hurtful for it's infantile, but in our defence I would point out that Chris, Colin and I have been friends forever.  We met in the prams that our three mothers once pushed around Shamley Green during the summer of 1946, so surely we could be forgiven every once in a while for acting in a childish way.  My Jenny forgives us often and last December she did so with a smile when she was awoken by the sound of our laughter.  She realised that the three of us were reliving yet another event from the distant past of our once shared youth.  I'm just grateful to have such special friends as Chris and Colin, and for someone who became a good friend to the three of us, my darling Jenny!  

[Ken]

First you drink some wine around an old oak table.  Then you add the personalities of Chris Bushell and Colin Bowbrick and place them in a Welsh Pub.  The end result for almost thirty years has always been a large chunk of laughter, but seldom has the laughter been as loud as on this evening!