(38) 'The Almost, but not quite, 'Tuffs Twins'

[Ken]

I received an email recently that delighted me, it was from my forever young sister Phyl and she had just discovered my 'Cosy' column of memories.  She told me that as she read my words she found herself both laughing and crying, she added she also felt inspired by what I wrote and suggested I give my take on one of her favourite stories.  It involved our dear brother's, Bob and Len, and it happened over seventy years ago.  Before I tell this tale, of the almost, but not quite, Tuffs Twins, I would like to recall a pub conversation that took place shortly after one of Bobs birthday's.  With Len sitting by his side he posed this question to a stranger we had just met,   "We're both brother's, we're both aged seventy five, and yet, we're not twins" he stated, "How can that be?"  I can recall looking at them as Bob explained how this was possible, but my thoughts were on just how like twins the two really seemed in both their appearance and mannerisms.  However, when you think of their unbelievable closeness over so many years that was no surprise, for they were not only brother's, they we're also the very best of friends!

The memory Phyl suggested involved a game of 'Pooh sticks' that almost every youngster has played.  This event has often been spoken of around my old oak table and I can recall playing it at the same bridge as Bob and Len, albeit several years later than the war years period when they played.  To get to the bridge concerned one had to walk through, Punters copse, a beautiful area that I remember being massed with primroses and bluebells each spring.  I'd like to imagine it was at such a time that Bob, Len, and several of their friends, were throwing their selected sticks into the water on one side of the bridge before racing across to see which stick was the first to be seen on the other side.  Whose ever stick appeared first had won the game of Pooh sticks.  I do not know which one of those Shamley Green urchins decided it was not exciting enough to play with just sticks until one of them suggested playing with something that would float like a boat.  It was at this point that Bob had a brainwave, his shoe would float like a boat would it not?  He tried it and it worked, and the first ever game of Pooh shoes commenced.

It can be debated how many shoes were floated, and it can be argued whose shoe was the first to be carried by the flowing water to the far side of that bridge.  But there can be no doubt that it was Bobs shoe that floated the best and the farthest, so far that it went to the deep water part of the river where it could not be reached.  All manner of ingenuity was explored in the effort to retrieve Bobs shoe but none succeeded.  The shoe still remained out of reach, circling in the deep water current of the river.  It was obvious that desperate action was needed and someone suggested that with small pebbles one may be able to force the shoe to float nearer to the bank.  This was tried to no avail until Len decided a larger stone was required, he took aim and this champion bowler of the future threw the rock.  Like a Luftwaffe plane it shot through the air and as it connected it became obvious the rescue attempt had failed.  Bobs precious shoe took in water and as the ripples from the thrown rock settled, the band of friends saw the first ever, 'Pooh Shoe', slowly sink to the bottom of the river.

I have no knowledge of the conversation between the two brothers as their four legs and three shoes carried them home, and I know not if Bob held Len to blame.  I feel certain that by the time he had walked the entire two mile journey, one of Bobs feet would have been somewhat sore. Whether his backside was sore later that day Bob has never revealed to me, but to lose one of his ONLY pair of shoes would not have pleased our Mother, for these were the war years and money was scarce. However, Bob did admit to me that he was punished in a fashion, for our Mums only way of replacing his one shoe with a matching pair was to supply him with a pair of used, hand me down shoes that had once belonged to his sister Violet. Photo's of Bob at that time show him to be a tough looking little lad and I imagine he could hold his own in a schoolboy scrap.  He probably had to the next time he attended school for he arrived wearing for everyone to see, a pair of pretty, blue, buckle up, GIRLS SHOES!

Bob once told my sister Phyl that the girls shoe experience scarred him for life, but I suspect he was smiling when he said it. As he was when he told me of another time that Len, without meaning to, let his brother down.  It occurred about five years ago and it began in the Shamley Green village shop on another of Bobs birthdays.  It was early in the morning and both brothers were buying their daily papers.  "Have you got any whisky at home ?" Len enquired of Bob, and he went on to say that he'd be coming down later that day to spend the evening celebrating Bobs birthday.  Bob told Gordon and I this story, as a grinning Len looked on,  "So I bought some whisky and some large assortments of crisps and went home", Bob informed us. He then continued with his story saying that later that evening he put on a clean white shirt and a tie and with two whisky glasses ready, awaited Lens arrival, the trouble was Len didn't arrive.  "I just forgot", Len informed Gordon and I, and his expression told us he was obviously regretful.  I asked Bob how that made him feel and he replied with a facial expression of deep hurt, "If I'd had a gun, I'd have bloody shot myself!" he said, and then his famous grin appeared and we all roared with laughter.

You would have to know our family well to understand why we found that so funny, and how much laughter we have all shared at the lifelong antics of the almost, but not quite, 'Tuffs Twins'. Our beloved brothers who are also the very best of friends, Bob and Len Tuffs.      

[Ken]

When I told my son Morgan that my sister Phyl had requested I add this story to my Cosy memories he said with glee, "Dad, that's your first commissioned memory."  It tells of my brothers wartime version of the game of poo sticks!