(85) 'The Bushell Tongue Of Rage, Volume One''

[Ken]

I once knew two brothers whose tell tale anger signs differed completely.  One of them would turn ashen just before he was going to hit someone and the others reddening face was his sign of the impending violence about to erupt. Recognising such things has always enabled me the time to find the words to defuse potential trouble before it starts and I boast that it comes from being a pub ethologist of many years standing.  A persons mannerism's show their inner thoughts especially when they are becoming angry, some get all tight lipped and huffy, while others just raise their voices and use unnecessary profanities. My dear and special friend, Chris Bushell, has a trait peculiar to him alone.  His imminent anger is always proceeded by slightly sticking his tongue out towards the left side of his cheek.  I know not why he does it but it always makes me smile.

One recollection I have of the Chris Bushell tongue occurred during a game of Monopoly, played when we were teenagers.  For some reason, explained in an early Cosy story, I was always the Banker.  I also insisted on using the small Top Hat as my playing token for I possessed delusions of grandeur even at that young age.  My opponents could choose from the remaining pewter tokens and I can recall among them a thimble, an iron, a dog and a boot.  My friend Chris was showing signs of irritation as the game commenced for I had convinced another player, Andy 'Worm Chopper' Gordon, to exchange some of his less useful properties with mine. This enabled me to be the first to start building houses and I probably had the annoying look on my face that apparently appears whenever I'm winning something and, once again, I was!  

The game progressed and my persuasive logic ensured the properties I wanted came my way.  All this time Chris was telling them not to deal with me, complaining I always conned them every time we played the game.  Meanwhile I had amassed an empire of houses and hotels in all but the better areas of London town. Andy was very happy when I traded my houses on the Old Kent and Whitechapel roads with his unwanted Park Lane property, and couldn't understand why Chris kept calling calling him a bloody idiot. Of course, I had already obtained Mayfair through a deal with Richard 'Itchie Ball' Gualey, so I was immediately able to begin buying some houses for my London, Upper Crust, acquisitions.  It was at this point I thought I caught just a glimpse of the Bushell Tongue of displeasure as murderous looks appeared!  

What followed shortly after is still a point of some contention all these years later, but it began with the Bushell Tongue of Rage being seen by all those gathered there.  He argued he had paid for some hotels and, when I said he hadn't,  Chris's two hands suddenly grabbed and upended the table, as he roared his anger. The Community Chest and Chance cards were joined by my Top Hat and the other tokens as they, and the Monopoly board, flew skywards.  Houses and hotels galore were scattered asunder as the title deeds of the properties were thrown in all directions.  Kings Cross and three other stations were destroyed and millions of pounds of currency floated in mid air before falling slowly to the ground.  My old and dear friend, his tongue of rage still on show, physically knocked me from my chair,  As as I looked up from the floor, a little shocked and somewhat angry, he uttered these unforgettable words,  "F*CK YOU TUFFS, now and forever!"  Then he was gone from my sight, and safe from my ability to wreak my revenge.

I still remember jumping up and racing to the back door of our house, but Chris was already three quarters of the way across the village green to the safety of his own home.  The other players, especially Andy Gordon, found the whole episode hilarious and couldn't stop laughing, so I joined in as well.  Of course I never took my revenge for he was my friend and one couldn't have a better one.  That was the only time Chris Bushell ever laid his hands on me in anger.  I've never, ever, laid a hand on Chris in anger but, in my case, I once did so with my foot. It was during a league game of table tennis doubles that we were losing and when I saw that Bushell tongue of rage start to make an unjust appearance, I defused the situation by kicking him up the arse.  I will have more stories to tell of the, 'Bushell Tongue Of Rage,' but I must first ask permission of his wife Sue and son James.  Kens Cosy's aim is to keep fun memories alive and never ever intends to offend!                    

[Ken]

This is the first of a set of memories which all feature the Bushell tongue of rage.  This one tells how a pleasant game of Monopoly caused friction among friends!